TORONTO -- Having less human interaction has been the biggest change many have had to grow accustomed to amid the COVID-19 pandemic. But while reaching out to relatives over video chat can help, for those with estranged families, the struggle to see a familiar face is more complicated.

Nearly 10 years ago, Brooke, a California resident who only wanted to be identified by her first name, experienced a traumatic car accident that left her with a severe spinal injury. Her life then consisted of hospital visits, physical therapy, surgeries and having to rely on her partner for everyday tasks. 

“I was spending 24/7 at home, staring at the ceiling, lying on the massage table -- because that was the only place I could be at the time -- and wondering why I was here,” she told CTVNews.ca over the phone. “This quarantine and being housebound, it’s nothing new to me.”

While determined to fight for her life, she said her mental health began to deteriorate as she became more distant from her family and her father -- someone she was especially close with.

“There’s five of us in the immediate family and he would say we’re like fingers on a hand, you can’t miss any of them. To then not even be invited to my step-sister’s wedding, it just went from one extreme to the other,” she said.

Though Brooke said she would try to call her father, she wouldn’t hear back from him or any other family members on that side, until she slowly became estranged from them.

While television shows and movies often depict family estrangement as stemming from a dispute over money or a family heirloom, psychologist Heather MacIntosh explains it can come from trauma, betrayal, or loss of respect.

“The biggest misconception is that people would make these decisions without a great deal of pain and that people would become estranged for a family member over nothing,” she told CTVNews.ca in a phone interview.

For Brooke, she said her relationship with her father likely fell apart because of a lack of communication following the accident. At one point, her health condition made it physically difficult to even speak over the phone.

“I don’t think it was so much about the inability to understand but it was the unwillingness to learn about my health condition,” she said of her family.

LIFE UNDER ISOLATION, AGAIN

While it has been nearly a decade since Brooke’s accident, she said her health has drastically improved, aside from the underlying health issues she continues to have in her spine. Her days spent at home became a memory until the pandemic.

“I was just starting to get back out there and now for this to happen, it certainly wasn’t ideal but I also know how to handle it. It’s nothing new for me,”

During her recovery process Brooke began documenting her life through social media as “BabbleonBrooke” and with the help of her partner, she gained a following of support from hundreds of people. Her outlet into the digital world became her small chance of hope she grabbed onto; something she says people should find for themselves when overcoming the stresses of the pandemic.

“I think some people in this world, especially now, may be feeling really sad but it doesn’t mean that it’s going to go down a path that they can’t get back from,” she said.

With her social media following, and having the support from friends and her partner, Brooke said she was able to cling on to the positive aspects in her life that would motivate her to continue her recovery.

Though Brooke was learning to overcome her trauma, the unresolved emotions of losing her family continued to be a major factor to her mental health.

“Estrangement from family during what I’d gone through was what made the depression so extreme, it made me suicidal,” she said.

McIntosh explained that while finding new relationships will aid in the healing process of becoming estranged from a close relative, the grief of losing that person remains.

“Even if all is well in the world and you build new connections it doesn’t mean you don’t continue to grieve the loss of the connections that you had,” she said.

REACHING THROUGH THE VOID

There are some instances where those with estranged relationships might reach out to the person they had a falling-out with after a life-altering event, according to McIntosh. For Brooke, she thought the pandemic could have been that catalyst.

“I thought if anything would bring us together it would be a global pandemic,” she said. To her surprise, she was added to a family group chat with those she hadn’t spoken to in years.

Brooke responded to the group message by explaining what she had gone through and opening the discussion to anyone who wanted to talk to her. Unfortunately, she only received a message from two family members that went to the group and ignored her text.

“Out of 20 people, two reached out and the response is not what I thought it’d be,” she said. “What I shared, which took me a long time to put together, I was very nervous to do it and vulnerable but hopeful that this could be a new start.”

Re-connecting after years of estrangement can be both a traumatic experience for both parties, particularly to the one that receives the message, according to MacIntosh.

The process of deciding to respond can be difficult but ultimately is about deciding if the person sending the message is ready to reconcile.

“If they feel that the person is someone they would like to reconcile with or there’s something in the letter or email that suggests that person is ready to take some responsibility, then they can give that a try, but not without lots of support like speaking with their family or friends they do have connections with,” she said.

After receiving support from her partner and her other side of the family, Brooke says she doesn’t have any regrets in responding to the message and more so felt liberated to speak up for the first time.

“I’m glad I did because I stayed silent for so long. Once things went down from my health it was as if I didn’t exist. I would turn it on myself thinking what did I do and it took me a long time to come around to the fact that it has nothing to do with me,” she said.

WHO IS MOST PRECIOUS TO YOU?

Though Brooke continues to battle with her physical and mental health, she said through social media and connecting with others through livestreams and chatrooms she has been able to cope with living in isolation again. She said that she wants her story to inspire those going through difficult family relationships and advocate for mental health.

“I think unfortunately this can happen to anyone,” she said “But at the end of the day, no one is better than anyone else, and if you know someone that’s hurting, offer to help.”

MacIntosh said she hopes the pandemic can help some identify the people they want to keep in their lives.

“It tells us a lot about our relationships and the people that are precious to us,” she said. “Before, life was busy and stressful and there was so little attention paid to those quiet times and the enjoyment of spending time with the people closest to us. So, I think this is really hitting home for many to think, ‘Who are the people that are really precious to us?’”