The ongoing crisis in Ukraine is putting added stress on families that are already dealing with a global pandemic and rising inflation.
Children feel that stress too, experts say, and it’s important to address situations like the ones in Ukraine carefully.
“I have a lot of kids that are really struggling with existential anxiety right now,” Jennifer Kolari, a child and family therapist at Connected Parenting, told CTVNews.ca in a phone interview.
“There's little kids lying in bed going: ‘Is there going to be a world for me to have kids in?’ ‘Am I even going to be able to grow up and enjoy being an adult?’ These are the things that our generation of kids has to worry about and think about.”
But how does someone broach the subject of international conflict with a child? And how do parents make sure that a child is informed about the issues, without giving them too much information that could be detrimental?
CTVNews.ca spoke with three Canadian parenting experts for tips on how to address the situation in Ukraine with your children, and here is what they suggested.
BE AGE SPECIFIC
Alyson Schafer, a parenting expert and family counsellor, said it’s important to keep conversations with your kids appropriate to their age, so they can best understand what’s going on.
“We really want to shield and protect them from this information if we can,” she said in a recent virtual interview. “They're young enough that they're mostly with us and they're mostly in child centric environments, so we can be pretty good about that.”
“What we need to do is to make sure that our children have a perception of psychological safety and so in this case, no news is good news.”
For children ages seven and under, Schafer suggests keeping the conversations to a minimum, as their current information bubble is unlikely to register the conflict.
For the older children, Julie Romanowski, an early childhood consultant and parenting coach at Miss Behaviour, suggests keeping the information to a few facts about what is going on -- enough to make sure they’re educated about the issue -- but avoiding great detail.
“Give them a few facts: ‘This is happening far away,’ ‘Some people are getting hurt,’ or ‘Some people are feeling unsafe,’” she said in a recent phone interview. “Give them a few tangible pieces to grasp on to, if you will.”
ACKNOWLEDGE AND LISTEN TO THEIR CONCERNS
Kolari said it’s important that parents don’t dismiss a child’s concern when it comes to global crises.
“The best way to really help your child is to listen and -- not validate in the sense that: ‘You're right the world is doomed,’ -- but don't dismiss their feelings of fear,” she said. “They need you to comfort them and hear them and be present with them.”
Kolari added that it’s important to avoid phrases such as “Don’t be silly” and “That’s ridiculous,” which can undermine their fears.
Instead, Romanowski suggests reinforcing that the child’s emotions are perfectly normal and that it’s OK to feel a certain way. Additionally, Romanowski suggests reiterating that their child’s loved ones are here for them.
“That's where the child's going to feel the most safest and secure,” she said.
REINFORCE FAMILY VALUES
When talking to a child about the situation in Ukraine, Kolari suggests reinforce family values such as thoughtfulness, caring and understanding.
“It's kind of a simple thought, but it's very comforting that the more love there is in each household and the more people take care of each other and love each other, that will have an impact that can go out into the world,” she said.
“Kids like to feel like they have not just some sense of safety, but that they're doing something.”
ACTIONS CAN SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS
Schafer encouraged families to take part in some form of social activism, particularly if their child is interested in learning more about the conflict or concerned with it.
“I'd like to encourage every parent to stay as interested as their teen would like to be interested,” she said. “This is a big moment for some of them, and I think it it's important to just stay at their interest level.”
Schafer suggested several possible actions, from donating to an approved charity, putting a sign in the window, or even simply saying a prayer.
HOW TO HANDLE TIKTOK, SOCIAL MEDIA AND MISINFORMATION
The conflict in Ukraine is less than a week old and TikTok is already being described as Russia’s “new tool for propaganda”as the Russians take to the platform to spread misinformation and anti-Ukrainian sentiment to its users.
“As soon as our kids start getting a little bit older, we have to recognize that we no longer control what they have access to, and most kids are going to be on some kind of a device, that's just modern life,” Schafer said.
Schafer suggests parents sit down with their kids to go over who they follow on social media to make sure they are getting the most reliable information possible.
“Say to kids: ‘Let's make sure that you're getting credible information from the right sources,’” she said. “This is just good media literacy for any topic.”
Additionally, if those sources are providing information that might add to the stress, Schafer suggests shutting down social media for a period and ensuring your child that their parents will be upfront with them if something serious happens.
When it comes to tackling misinformation, Romanowski suggests picking two or three trusted news sources with your child and sticking to them.
“They could be very different ones, maybe an international one, a national one and a local one and just stick with them and see how that plays out,” she said. “I think especially when you're scrolling through, you can get hit with so many different media sources that it becomes all just one big rolling snowball.”
