Spending the holiday season alone this year? How to make the most of it

Cozying up with a treat and embracing alone time can be nourishing during the holidays. (Liudmila Chernetska/iStockphoto/Getty Images via CNN Newsource)

Traditionally, the holidays are for spending time with family and friends, perhaps with a varying degree of religious rituals or practices. There’s also pressure not to miss certain family celebrations, but there will be times you can’t make it – whether by choice or circumstance.

So, if you’re spending the holidays alone this year, you’re actually not alone in wondering if it’s OK to be alone. You hold the ticket to your happiness, even if you’re spending the holidays (or any special day of the year) in a less conventional way—all by yourself. There’s no correct formula for how to spend the holidays, experts say, and keeping that in mind is key when you’re not going to be around your loved ones.

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Spending the holidays alone can feel lonely or empty, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Loneliness is an issue during the winter holidays for many students and other clients, according to Diana Winston, director of UCLA Mindful, the mindfulness education centre at UCLA Health.

Not having people to spend the days with, “can compound any existing loneliness and worsen it during the holiday times,” Winston said.

New York psychologist Dr. Bryant Williams agreed, noting that being alone during the holidays “accentuates existing problems.”

Both experts suggest taking action to strengthen your mindset and fill your days with activities that you know nurture you.

Step outside for some fresh air

Go on a hike, take a walk in a park, visit the beach or engage in nature in a way that suits your lifestyle and location.

Get out into “whatever nature you have available to you,” Winston said, highlighting the importance of seizing opportunities to be outdoors.

The benefits of simply being outside and surrounding yourself with nature are plenty, and why not rack up those benefits when you’re spending the day or week alone? In the practice of forest bathing, one spends time in nature through activities like a walk or sitting and enjoying the environment, Dr. Leana Wen previously told CNN. “Forest therapy” can lower anxiety, improve mood and reduce blood pressure, studies show.

You can simply take a walk, and make the most of that walk. A higher daily step count is linked to fewer depressive symptoms, according to a recent study in the journal JAMA Network Open.

And it’s not an impossible number—even 7,000 steps can lead to better mental health, said clinical psychologist Dr. Karmel Choi, who previously spoke to CNN.

'Zoom in' to celebrate

You don’t have to miss out on all the fun just because you can’t be there to celebrate in person. Williams recommended people take action to reach out to people with a phone or video call.

Do something “similar to what people did during the pandemic, when people were so isolated,” he said. “People, because they weren’t spending time with each other in person, started spending a lot of time on Zoom.”

Social experiences are important to health, so carving out time for this can improve your well-being. More specifically, reach out to loved ones who make you feel good about yourself since positive social interactions are linked to better coping and lower stress, research shows.

If your schedule and circumstances allow for catching up in-person, aim for a spontaneous coffee meetup with a friend or accept your colleague’s invitation to join their festivities. None of the plans have to be grand, orchestrated celebrations. The point is to connect with someone at some point during the holidays if possible.

Immersing yourself in nature can offer a multitude of health benefits. (Oscar Wong/Moment RF/Getty Images via CNN Newsource)

Volunteer where people need help

Volunteering, such as at a children’s hospital or at a nursing home, can be beneficial for those spending this season alone. You can also find opportunities to serve meals at a soup kitchen or food bank in your community. Some locations could use the help to hand out food at a holiday meal pick-up centre.

“There’s all sorts of structured activities that people can engage in when they’re spending time with other people, even strangers, and they’re doing something thoughtful and nice for them,” Williams said.

That kind of an activity can impact one’s brain in a positive way.

“If someone takes action, they get outside of themselves, then they’re thinking about other people,” Williams said. “People generally feel better when that happens.”

Treat yourself to something nice

You might be missing only your grandma’s mac-and-cheese or wishing you were baking pies for many to enjoy. It’s common for holidays to evoke images of people gathering around a shared meal. If you’re alone, try to cook something special, order takeout or order something delicious at a restaurant, Winston said.

If you’re going to be out of town on a work trip, research the best nearby restaurants to your liking and splurge on a nice dinner. If you’re choosing to be a homebody this year, be as lazy or as complex as you’d like with the meal—if it nurtures you.

Rituals

Rituals and fun family routines around the holidays are an important part of celebrating and maybe what you are missing most this time of year. “Can they perform some ritual that punctuates the day and makes it feel special in some way?” Williams said.

Taking a hot bath, getting a massage or playing a sport can be nurturing to some people, Winston said.

Light the menorah, hang up a stocking on your fireplace, or do the New Year’s Eve countdown for yourself. You can observe the days however you’d like without disagreements with others, judgment or the pressure of expectations.

Get a head start on your to-do list

Having a sense of accomplishment, such as by working on a home project, during this solitary time can also be one way to get through the holidays, Winston said. “People can be creative about their use of their time,” she said.

Seasonal chores like raking leaves or shoveling snow, decorating your house or decluttering your closets can also count as functional exercise without hitting the gym.

Reflect on the year

Another more introspective activity is to take advantage of the solitude to plan for the new year or review the past year.

“Especially for (the) new year, people love to reflect on the previous year,” Williams said. “And doing that in an intentional, structured way and even outlining the ways they want the new year to be different or even citing specific goals for the new year.”

Spend the holiday creating new traditions, like creating a vision board or reviewing the highs and lows of your year in a journal.

Rituals such as taking a relaxing bath can be important ways of honouring your time alone. (Oleg Breslavtsev/Moment RF/Getty Images via CNN Newsource)

Shifting your mindset

Winston suggests coupling actions with a strong mental approach—a mindfulness perspective— to help one with loneliness feelings.

“Paying attention to our present moment experiences with openness, curiosity and a willingness to be with that experience” is mindfulness, according to Winston. “It’s really about learning to live in the present moment, not lost in the past or the future.”

Understandably, the willpower to focus only on the now and block out the other noise can be challenging, and fully accepting that present reality is key.

When things look and feel different and when one is in a transition period, clinical psychologist Dr. Adam Brown previously told CNN that there is no requirement to have the holidays look or feel the same as they had in the past.

Compassion for yourself

“Be compassionate with yourself and do the best that you can and know that this is a particular moment in the year,” Winston said. “There’s nothing wrong with you and you will get through it.”

It’s also helpful to remember that not all those who are spending their holidays surrounded by people are having a good time.

“We have a lot of input, demands and stress in general that is elevated during the holidays, so it is extra important to be attentive to your need for alone time,” Sophie Lazarus, a clinical psychologist in the department of psychiatry and behavioural health at Ohio State University told CNN earlier this month.

Due to some last-minute logistical challenges last month, I was unable to spend Thanksgiving with my family. Even though I knew I would be able to fly home the next day, I was still bummed to miss my family traditions. To make the best of the situation, I did as many of my favourite things as I could: I walked around my neighbourhood, read news magazines and sat for hours in a bustling coffee shop to write.

To cap it off, I went to a special Thanksgiving dinner by myself at a local restaurant. I missed time with my family, but I would say I still had an experts-approved day. I highly recommend turning your day alone into a gratifying one, and even if you’re not going to be alone, try to carve out time for yourself in the midst of social obligations to help keep you grounded and serene.