TORONTO -- For 62-year-old Mercy Totaro of Laval, Que., the COVID-19 pandemic has had a lasting impact on her life – one that can never be undone.
On April 14, Totaro lost her father to the novel coronavirus. Four days later, her mother succumbed to COVID-19. What started as a few coughs turned into something lethal within a matter of days.
“My life as I knew it before the pandemic not only has been drastically altered but is in a state of endless pain,” she told CTVNews.ca in an email on May 17. “I am now an orphan.”
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Totaro also contracted the virus herself while visiting her mother at the Hôpital de la Cité-de-la-Santé, she says. After almost three weeks of living with COVID-19, she has since recovered.
“I stayed with my mom in her COVID room so she wouldn't have to die alone,” wrote Totaro. “I knew the risk and I would do it all over again.
“Knowing it’s her last breath, you forget about the virus,” Totaro told CTVNews.ca over the phone on Tuesday.
While the virus has no doubt altered her life in a physical way, she also points to a shift in her perspective on life. The experience of losing both her parents and contracting the virus herself, she says, has helped her realize that life is shorter than she thought, and that it’s important to make the most of the present moment.
“Tomorrow is promised to no one,” she wrote. “I was always one to enjoy life - attending family and friends’ parties, spontaneous travelling and even going out for drinks late at night.
“I'm going to continue traveling and having fun…[and remembering] to enjoy whoever I’m with,” she said.
Totaro’s story is just one of the many ways the coronavirus pandemic has impacted the lives of Canadians. She says she hopes it will encourage others to share their own stories and give hope with whatever positives they can take away from it.
CTVNews.ca asked Canadians to share lessons learned from all the changes taking place right now, as well as new insights or changes to routine that may stay in place once the pandemic is over. Here are some of the responses.
THE VALUE OF LIFE
Margaret Cook points to the death of her husband during the COVID-19 pandemic as having taught her the importance of showing appreciation for those around you.
Cook’s husband passed away last month of a heart attack and subsequent stroke. Although his death was not a result of COVID-19, physical distancing measures put in place as a result of the virus still had an impact on plans for a burial.
“We were not able to have a proper funeral for him – he was only 65,” Cook wrote to CTVNews.ca.
With provincial borders closed to domestic flights, her husband’s siblings from Manitoba were not able to attend the ceremony in Lethbridge, Alta., where she lives. Cook says the service had only 15 people in attendance, each standing two metres apart in the rain, unable to hug or hold one another as the minister conducted a short ceremony at the gravesite.
“I do not feel I have said goodbye properly,” wrote Cook.
The 66-year-old says this experience of losing her husband, coupled with the absence of intimacy with loved ones, has taught her to be more grateful for those around her.
“What I put in my ‘thank you’ note in the newspaper is to hug someone today, because you don’t know if you’ll have them tomorrow,” she told CTVNews.ca via telephone on Monday. “I wish I could hug my husband today.”
Along with hosting a full memorial service for her husband, Cook says she hopes to hug people a little tighter when it’s safe to do so again.
“You don’t know what the future is going to bring,” she said. “I hope everybody goes out and hugs a stranger when this is over – that’s what we need.”
LESS FOCUS ON MATERIAL OBJECTS
Amanda Wright also says the pandemic has highlighted the importance of cherishing those around her, especially family members.
“Something like this happens and you realize that your immediate family is the most important thing,” Wright told CTVNews.ca over the phone on Tuesday. “In a situation like this and in life, you have to be there to support each other and…to be each other’s soundboards to get through times that are tough.”
The mother of two from Sarnia, Ont. says that during the pandemic, she has been spending much more time with her children doing things like baking and watching movies every night. Although physical distancing measures prevent her from seeing her parents – both 70 years of age – she still speaks to them on the phone every day.
Maintaining this strong connection with family members through the pandemic has also caused her to reflect on all the spending she was doing, she says, and how excessive it was. This is something she does not think she will return to once the pandemic is over.
“We’re going back to the basics of life, the building blocks that would have always been there…but that we lost sight of,” said the 44-year-old. “I can’t get that [support] from going to a store and buying something, but I can get it from spending time with my family and…being there for each other.”
As a result of this, Wright says she isn’t likely to return to those same spending habits once the pandemic is over.
For Jeanette Wu from Ottawa, not only has the ongoing pandemic helped reinforce the importance of family and friends, it has also led her to re-evaluate the attention she’d give to professional sports.
“It may sound petty and envious, but I have learned that I do not miss watching pro sports [anymore],” she told CTVNews.ca in an email on May 14. “The lives of my dear ones are much more valuable than watching an already-millionaire chase around a baseball, golf ball or hockey puck.”
The 57-year-old explains that spending time with her circle of loved ones is much more meaningful than getting caught up in the world of pro sports. Some of the sporting events she previously enjoyed following most included hockey and NFL playoffs, as well as the Tour de France.
While these competitions and many others have been cancelled for the time being as a result of the pandemic, Wu says she does not intend to go back to supporting these leagues or athletes once things settle down again, whether in the form of watching them on TV or purchasing tickets to a game.
“I think athletes and their supporting leagues are far too overpaid,” she told CTVNews.ca over the phone on Tuesday. “There’s been too much importance put on the dollar for these people.”
Shauna Berrigan echoes this sentiment of focusing on family and friends and how that is more valuable than material items or money.
“The biggest thing I’ve learned from having my life altered is that money is only important for what you need and not for what you want,” the Dartmouth, N.S. resident told CTVNews.ca in an email on May 14. “It’s nice to be able to keep up with the Joneses, but it’s not as important as feeling healthy, safe and secure, and being surrounded by your family and friends.”
Instead of missing shopping, she describes longing for the things money cannot buy, including spending time with family members she can’t see as often due to physical distancing measures. While Berrigan describes herself as someone who has always been family-oriented, she says the pandemic has made her realize that family is not only important, but the most important thing in life.
“It’s made me realize that life passes way too quickly and we need to embrace who we have, not what we have,” she wrote.
MORE FOCUS ON MENTAL HEALTH
Berrigan also points to learning of the importance of staying mentally healthy, not only during a pandemic, but in general.
At first, she says, she was looking forward to having a couple of weeks to herself while working from home as an early childhood educator. She explains she was hoping it would provide her with a mental break and allow her to focus on things she wouldn’t otherwise have as much time to plan, like summer programs.
But after months of being at home, the isolation started getting not only to her, but to her husband and retired mother, as they all live together. This, she says, took a toll on her mental health and led to mounting frustrations.
“I had a meltdown and we all talked and worked out our frustrations,” she told CTVNews.ca in an email on May 14. “We’ve been really good ever since.”
Berrigan emphasizes the importance of expressing feelings, and sharing them with others instead of bottling them up inside.
“I think we all need to express ourselves,” she wrote. “Your feelings, whether positive or negative, are OK – they’re your feelings and you’re allowed to have them.
Casey Johnston from Winnipeg shared her personal struggle in dealing with the impact of isolation.
“Being cooped up at home with nothing to do and nowhere to go, my depression has been at an all-time low,” she told CTVNews.ca in an email on May 15. “Isolation has caused a major change in how I feel and react towards life as a whole.”
Not being able to see the people she relies on for support to get through this tough time has been difficult, says the 22-year-old. While she admits she’s able to stay in touch with friends, family members and even her therapist through phone calls and video chats, it isn’t the same as being able to see them in person, or give them hug and tell them she loves them.
Johnston says the easing of physical distancing restrictions in Manitoba has helped improve her mental health, Being able to go outdoors for a walk or to do some shopping makes her feel less alone, she explains.
Still, she realizes not everyone may be having such a easy time coping with the pandemic, which is why it’s crucial to touch base with loved ones to see how they’re feeling.
“We as a community should be checking up on our neighbors, family and friends as mental health is a real issue,” she wrote. “People with severe depression and other mental illnesses need help during this time."
Johnston says she will definitely be making more of an effort to check up on those close to her during the pandemic and once it’s over.
THE IMPORTANCE OF SLOWING DOWN
Hand in hand with prioritizing mental health comes the idea of the importance of not being so busy. Megan Thomson from Ottawa says this is something she realized during the pandemic.
“I felt like I was running a 100-metre dash all day long every day and that I needed some clones to keep up [with] the pace,” she told CTVNews.ca in an email on May 15.
Though she is still keeping busy by working from home, Thomson says not having to commute has given her an extra two hours in her day. She says she has started using this time to walk her dog and keep up with chores. Slowing things down in life, she says, has helped improve her quality of life immensely.
“My spouse and I are getting along better; we seem more in step and [are] looking after each other,” Thomson wrote. “I cannot believe the difference in my overall ability to relax.”
Emily Hunter of Beamsville, Ont. also explains how slowing down and not being so busy has helped improve her life.
As a mother of two – a toddler and six-month-old baby – Hunter says she has been struggling with finding her rhythm as a stay-at-home mom and coping with the idea of not being so busy all the time.
“I remember, when my maternity leave first began, feeling like I had no idea what to do with myself – it was like my life was put on pause,” she told CTVNews.ca in an email on May 14. “When the pandemic started, I remember thinking, ‘I know how this feels, I’ve been through this before.’”
She describes this reality of a fast-paced lifestyle as a kind of security blanket used to cover up some of the fears she has.
“What if I don’t know how [to] spend my days with two little ones at home all the time? What if I can’t go to my parents for help? What if I don’t measure up to be the mom I want to [be] and can’t run around and be busy to cover up my real fears?” wrote the 31-year-old.
Having so much more time on her hands, she says, has helped not only removed much of this fear, but has also helped her realize the importance of making room for downtime with her family.
“We’ve established some beautiful routines in our home,” she wrote. “We play, we read, we sing, we imagine, we talk and we eat together.
“For the first time in my life as a mom, I’m not rushing through any of those precious moments and I’m not insecure about how I’m doing.”
These activities are all things she plans to continue once the new normal begins to settle in.
DOING THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY
Not only is it important to do what we can to stay healthy and at ease, but also to make sure we’re doing things that make us happy, says Karen Norton, especially during a time of so much sadness.
In an email to CTVNews.ca, the 73-year-old says that while being in isolation for about two months, she has acquired a number of new skills, including making bread, recording CDs for children, making crystal earrings to send as gifts and more.
“[These are] all new skills for me to learn [with] the time to do them safely, and in the end, a product to share,” she wrote on May 14.
Despite being a retired school principal, the pandemic has led Norton to spend even more time at home. All this time on her hands has motivated her to spend it doing something productive, she says.
“At my age, [government and health officials] are saying, ‘you’re a senior, you better stay home,’” she said to CTVNews.ca on Tuesday over the phone. “We really do have to find interesting things to learn and to do while we’re at home so that we’re not getting depressed and we’re not feeling sorry for ourselves.”
Making an effort to spend her time doing things that are productive and that give back to others has brought her satisfaction, Norton says, and helped her realize the importance of doing things that make her feel happy.
“That’s the main things I get out of it – is such joy in the product, such joy in the doing, such joy in just thinking that, ‘wow, I didn’t even know I could do all this stuff!’”
She says she plans to continue these activities in her home near Red Deer, Alta. once the pandemic is over.
“I wish I started this 40 years ago,” said Norton. “It took this time for me to start – hey, maybe I’ll do it for the next 40 years.”
