Dr. Agnes Chinelo can’t forget the moment she realized her father was missing.
“I’m supposed to be the ‘perfect doctor, the perfect child’… but I lost my dad. He wandered off,” she says.
It was the fall of 2015. Chinelo was living in the United Kingdom working in family medicine, while also being caregiver to her then 70-year-old father Michael Ejidike Umeh, who had been diagnosed with dementia. He was on medication for sleep but would often wakeup in the middle of the night, requiring Agnes to help him settle back to sleep.
“This fateful night I overslept. I think I was just exhausted,” recalls Chinelo. “I normally would hear him – walking around, shaking door handles – kind of asking for me. And I didn’t hear him. But for some reason, I woke up, out of the blue.”
Chinelo searched her father’s bedroom, the bathroom and the family room, but came up empty.
“At this point, I was already perspiring. Panting. The only door I hadn’t checked was the front door. It was ajar. I ran on the street; I was shouting like a baby ‘Daddy! Daddy!‘. I didn’t find him.”
She called emergency officials. A few hours later, he was found and taken to hospital with mild hypothermia. He died five years later in 2020 at the age of 75. It’s a ‘traumatic’ and ‘troubling’ experience she shares in her new book, ‘Michael’s Memories: A Journey of Hope, Healing, Awareness, and Resilience.’ The book is both a memoir of being her father’s caregiver, dementia care advice, and advocacy for better care.
“I wrote it from a dual perspective – as physician, a daughter and caregiver,” says Chinelo, speaking on CTV Morning Live Atlantic. “I struggled balancing my knowledge as a medical doctor and as a daughter.”
Chinelo, who now calls Nova Scotia home with a medical clinic in Middle Sackville, was born and raised in Lagos, Nigeria.
“I will be honest; I had to embrace emotional vulnerability. I struggled with the pressure and the expectation, culturally,” adds Chinelo. “I’m from Nigeria. You’re the first child and you’re the doctor. There’s a lot of pressure and expectation placed on me. I was assumed to know it all, that pressure was there.”
It’s her combined experience as a medical professional and caregiver, and a desire to help others, that inspired Chinelo to write the book. She also shares her experience and knowledge through ’Talk with Dr. Agnes‘: a blog, YouTube channel, and social media accounts. Her hopes is to provide resources for people to take control of their health and ways they can reduce the risk of dementia. It also supports those living with dementia and their caregivers. The Canadian Institute for Health Information says care partners of older adults with dementia provide, on average, 26 hours of care a week.
“The journey taught me about self compassion and empathy for my dad, and also for myself, that I’m doing the best that I can each day.”
As part of her advocacy work, the mother of three also was a physician liaison for the Alzheimer Society of Canada. This year, Doctors Nova Scotia presented her with the Physician Health Promotion Award for her work in health-care advocacy and education.
According to the World Health Organization, more than 55 million people worldwide have dementia, a number expected to triple by 2050. Data from the Alzheimer’s Society of Canada estimates that 771,939 people in Canada are living with dementia, as of Jan. 1, 2025. The Alzheimer Society of Canada points to a study that lists 12 actions to improve brain health. It includes being physically active, staying social, and managing medical conditions.
“It is an emotional rollercoaster,” adds Chinelo. “We just have to take each day as it comes. Selfcare is not an indulgence, it’s a necessity. You figure it out as you go and ask for help.”
Chinelo says it’s important for people of all ages to understand the reality of a dementia diagnoses. She encourages anyone with questions to talk to her at her book signing Saturday at the Bayers Lake Chapters, or at her official book launch at Dalhousie University on Saturday, May 10.
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